Seasons and trips with kindness

I am back to this blog after four months. Most of you know that I lost my sister in September. Our lives have completely changed. One day I hope I can write about her and share how incredible she was, with you. Right now her memory fills me with tears.

I have also had some wonderful and interesting experiences in the past four months. I want to record and share them with you.

1 Season change .

 The glorious Swedish summer ends in August. The days start getting shorter, heating is turned on by the city on October 1st. Lila Torg (Little Square) that used to hold spillover seating from restaurants is cleared of all outdoor seating by end October. Almost everywhere you see people dressed in black, going about their lives as normal. Walking about in the usual brisk pace, riding bikes or wheeling babies in sturdy prams. “It’s never cold in Sweden, you don’t have a warm coat”. Famous Swedish saying! The days are now dark and grey and will stay so till end March.

2 Dressing for the season.

   Never underestimate the need for a good hat. It seals in body heat. I am very happy that I picked up weather proof anti skid boots on a sale in Costco. They keep my feet toasty and sometimes my feet feel cooked! Remember to always take a huge warm shawl/scarf. It protects your neck and adds a pop of color to all black! Burying your hands in your coat pocket can only keep them so warm. You need a good pair of gloves. Of course, very few of them let you work on your smart phone!

It took me a while to figure out how not to feel like I have used a sauna at the end of my 45 minute commute to work (including 15 minute combined walk on either side) in near freezing temperatures. A hat seals the heat in and in a heated bus also starts cooking your head, as do shoes and gloves! So even if I am on a 5 minutes bus ride, I take off my hat and gloves and unzip my jacket. I still come into the office waiting to get rid of outer clothing, but at least my hair is not sopping wet!!

3 Wallet, coat pockets and reading glasses

   When you are 51, its time you wear reading glasses regularly or at least wear them around your neck. If you combine not wearing glasses with a disorganized wallet, you run into embarrassing situations like I did.  the first time was when the Swedish border police boarded the train from Denmark to check valid documents. I gave them my passport but had to show them my Employment/residence permit card too (residence visa is not stamped on the passport). I searched my wallet for the card without my glasses and pulled out and handed over the first one that looked Swedish. It was my library card! The guard very patiently handed it back and waited till I pull out my glasses and then found the right card tucked in safely behind several store cards!

The next time it happened was when I landed in Copenhagen and the lady at the immigration at the airport wanted to see the card. Again, no glasses and a messy wallet. She was kind enough to let me pass but told me to always present the card with the passport when I was entering Europe.

You coat pocket is like a handbag. It can hold surprising amount of stuff and can be very deep! I normally keep my bus pass in the pocket for easy access. On a surprise check of passes, I could not find the pass in the pocket while sitting down. I finally had to stand up and reach deep into the pocket to find it.

4 Fjallbacka

This was my first business visit in my new role. Fjallbacka is a tiny fishing village north of Malmo on the western Swedish coast. It is a 4.5 hour car drive from Malmo. Fjallbacka is famous as the setting for murders in Camilla Lackberg's series called Fjallbacka murders. I haven't read the books but the town is beautiful. We stay in a quaint hotel that has rooms with names of famous cities and each one decorated in a theme suited to the name. The first time I stayed in a room called Havana. Don't remember much of it since I came back only to sleep. The next time I stayed in Casablanca. The bathroom was unforgettable. It had two sunken tubs. I had to get to the tubs after climbing 4 steps and then climbing down into it, very gingerly, lest I slip and fell! The tiles were beautiful colorful ceramic. The evening entertainment was a ride in a fishing boat that also doubled as lobster restaurant that served lot of alcohol. The ride was through beautiful Fjords. At a distance we were shown Ingrid Bergman’s house. The boat docked and we all went down to enjoy the feast. I was fed mushrooms and beans, given my dietary needs. The bread and butter and great company compensated what I otherwise missed in food. Unfortunately, I could not make up with extra dessert since they are served pre portioned.

5 Alborg and Hjorring

 My next business trip was to Hjorring. It is a tiny town in Denmark. To get there, we had to arrive at the airport in Alborg which is another tiny Danish town 20 kilometers away.

I arrived into Alborg in a tiny 50 seater aircraft. Alborg is a small airport and you walk from and to your aircraft. I got into the airport building and waited for my bag. In about 10 minutes the other 49 passengers had collected their bags and left the arrival hall. There was one bag still on the conveyor belt. It never struck me to check the baggage tag. I had never checked that bag in and it definitely didn't look familiar. Deciding that my bag had been misplaced, I stepped out of the hall. Only then it struck me that I should have at least checked the baggage tag. I could not go back to the baggage area. I looked for anyone who looked like an official but all I saw were passengers. By this time I was a little desperate. I saw a door that had a board that definitely referred to guns in Danish. Since that seemed to be the only door that would have a human behind it I bravely rang the bell. The official who let me in patiently explained that there was indeed a customer service counter further down and she didn't look angry at all. Maybe my windblown harried look made anyone feel sorry for me!

I went to the customer service counter and told her about the missing bag. I asked her if she could go back to the arrival hall and check if the lonely bag was mine! She said that it was a restricted area. As I stood there filling up the form, she disappeared for a moment and reappeared with my bag! I smiled foolishly and thanked her profusely! In my rush to run away from my embarrassment,  I walked to the closest door, opened the handle and got straight into the waiting cab. the kindly cab driver took my destination down and gently reminded me not to use emergency exit the next time. She was surprised that the alarm hadn't gone off when I opened the door! Maybe there was only so much of public humiliation I could have taken that day!

Once I recharge my phone and used the restroom, I feel a lot better and almost forget my earlier embarrassment. I am ready for a nice lunch and find there is a restaurant called South Indian close to the hotel. I take a quick walk in downtown Alborg. I find officially sanctioned street artists busy covering construction site walls with graffiti. In fact, Alborg seems to be filled with graffiti of all kinds. I also visit an exhibition of photographs by Soren Solkaer of graffiti with their creators, in most cases not identifiable since what they do is illegal in most cities.

Back to food. South Indian restaurant did not disappoint me. I ate a well made dosa with flavorful sambar and chutney. The chef was from Salem and the decor had natarajas and kuthuvallakkus(brass lamps) instead of the ubiquitous Air India Maharajas and Rajasthani musician statues. And the restaurant didn't smell of tikka masala! I still can't get over eating authentic dosas in the middle of Denmark!

Hjorring is a car ride away. the highway is surrounded by windmill farms. You know then that Denmark is really ambitious about weaning off fossil fuel. I go for dinner with my team member to a brewhouse. She calls ahead to ask if there will be something vegetarian for me to eat. The restaurant is on its way to get 2 Michelin stars. My colleague starts with salmon and I am served a tiny portion of super mashed potatoes on a slice of pickled beet. The bread on the side is delicious. The main course for her is veal. It is the same for me, except I am served the bed of greens on which the veal comes. By the time I am done with it, it feels that I was made to eat the food which eventually became veal! The dessert is fantastic, again pre portioned and is called fruits in a forest. It is served on a plate, berries with literally a dollop of chocolate and almond ice cream. They invoice me for the veal though they didnt serve it to me! Glad the company paid for the 75 USD a head dinner. And no, neither of us had a beer!

6 Home Dallas

After 4 months in Sweden, I visit home just around Thanksgiving. I meet A after 3 months. She has been through a lot in the meantime. Managing her emotions on losing her aunt, who she was devoted to, a heavy course load and other activities. It is nice just to hold my baby and watch TV with her. I enjoy being in my own kitchen but suddenly find everything at home bigger than I need. I have become perfectly content living in a 650 sq feet apartment. I visit office for a day and meet with my friends. It feels lovely being back to a place that has been my home for more than ten years. I meet almost all my friends in person. At least one meal a day is eaten outside in the week I am home. 

7 India

My earlier plan was to spend the Christmas break at home in Dallas. I got an invite to attend not one but two weddings. As a family, we needed to be together for a celebration after my sister. I spent more than a month in India. The longest I have been there since leaving 20 years ago. I worked for two weeks from there remotely and managed to find time to attend the weddings, travel to 2 different cities and meet with some friends after 30 years. The weddings were beautiful. There is something so special about being in the midst of family of different generations and dress up in colorful silks and eat all the great food!

8. Kindness

I have since returned to Sweden. Coming back after the warmth of family and comfort of friends is never easy. I felt more frustrated because of a cold and mild fever. For a week since I returned, I felt exhausted like I had been wrung out in a washing machine.

I have also started the last 6 months of my contract. I started the contract not knowing what will happen at the end of it but was brave enough to take the leap of faith. In hindsight, it is so easy to say these words to yourself and believe in them when you are getting started. When it is time to actually have faith, it becomes shaky!  Rather than  dwell on the unknown and fret needlessly, I want to remember and give thanks to people and experiences, specially in the last six months. So here goes:

1. Family. I come from a small one and for all practical purposes I am now an only child. Family is more than people you are born with. Family is also bonds that you form via people you are born with or through people you are married to. My dream of a house full of grandkids and grandnieces and grandnephews and sisters and brothers via marriage and blood will hopefully come true.

2. My colleagues and company. My bosses and colleagues have been nothing but sympathetic during my loss. Never once did they doubt my ability to deliver when I had to take time off. Its small things related to food that touch you. A factory manager remembering my dietary needs and arranging for appropriate food in a remote place. 

3. Travel. I never dreamed of visiting little towns in Sweden and Denmark. But I have done a lot of that in the past 6 months. Travelling to a tiny town in Northern Europe may not seem like an adventure, but it is not something most people do!

4. Meeting friends in person. Thanks to connectivity, I don't think we make as much effort to meet people in person as we did earlier. I met so many friends in Dallas in person. My best friend at home is my neighbor and sometimes we go through several months before we see each other. There is something so special in catching up in person though. Either one on one in the latest coffee shop or as a group in my bookclub!

I met two of my childhood friends after more than 30 years in India. There is something so comforting to take off from where you left off all those years ago. I am not going to wait another 30 years for our next meeting. I also met some several friends after ages. We had been through lot of things in life, children, growing older, coping with loss of parents or in my case a sibling and in some cases unraveling of marriages and health. Sharing on facebook is limited by our desire to make our lives look rosier than they really are. You need to meet in person to share feelings and reassured that you are not the only one touched by vicissitudes of life.

5. Girlfriends What will I do without them? My life will be poorer without them. Sitting is Sweden, I am geographically distant from most of them. Some I have already leaned on to share my anxiety for the coming months. The others I know are there for me anytime I need them. Their presence in my life is more reassuring than anything else! They have been feeding my family or spent time and effort in connecting with my daughter via phone or text when she needed it the most.

I hope to be able to write in what I think is my usual breezy style in the future! My next business trip is to Modena in Italy. I am already dreaming about balsamic vinegar and parmesan cheese!