"Throw away the Bowlines"

I was going to call this post "Taking a Leap of Faith". I don't know what that exactly means. I interpret is as doing something risky with the belief that there maybe be a safety net to catch you. Anyway, it just sounded right at the interview! But deeper thought made me see the negative connotation to it.
Being an extensive user of Facebook, I remembered one of my posts from 2015. I think it conveys positivism without diminishing the adventure!

When the chance to work in Sweden for a year came up, I remembered this post. I turned 50 this past November and do not want to look back when I am 70 and regret not doing it. The offer comes with its risk. I do not have confirmation that i will get a role back in the US organization when I return after a year. Hence, the first title, "taking a leap of faith".

I am going in with my eyes wide open and so far have not let doubts come up. There are complications other than not having an assured job at the end of the year. My husband will join me off and on and I will be away from the US, except for a few visits, so will miss seeing my daughter on our monthly visits to Austin.

I have very strong role models here, whose steps I am following. First my mother, who lived with her two teenage girls in the late 80s by herself when my father worked in Yemen. Then my dear sister who did something similar with an assignment in London last year. And finally my sister and friends who sent their only girls, 2 oceans away to get a great education.

I am yet to apply for my visa, but have started this blog before the move. Am yet to meet the tax consultant for the pre move tax meeting and the packers for planning the move of personal effects. In my mind I have place holders for what the next few months will look like. Reality may just run roughshod over them.

I will not be in this frame of mind always. The long winter will perhaps get to me. Or missing my old life(I know I will get back to it in a year)- cooking in my kitchen, going into a food coma with dear friends, working in my garden at the community gardens, my book club, driving to Austin once a month to meet with Ananya, walking on the trails of Coppell or listening to NPR podcasts on my way to Denton will get to me.

I will miss my daughter the most. (no pressure Ananya). She has been away at college since August last year. I haven't cried a single day since she left. She is happy and is doing well. But when I meet her or when she comes home, I realize what I miss. The clutter she creates, the music she plays, the storm she cooks up in the kitchen and the way she cuddles, sitting on a chair next to the couch as we watch Netflix. Its then that I realize just how bereft my life is without her.

I will need an outlet to stay positive, hence this blog and just like it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a circle of supportive friends for you to be brave.

So here is looking forward to my life in the next 12 months, where Sweden will play a major role! Please feel free to comment and ask questions!! You all know how much I love to talk.

Halloween without my birdie

This is the first Halloween since our daughter went away to college. My Halloween celebrations in the past have been limited to handing out candy to trick or treaters. I never cared for the decor. Nor did I care for costumes. I bought my daughter her only constume from Kroger for 8 dollars. At that price it was a cheap angel costume that came with a flimsy crown. A decent looking contume was not less than 25 dollars and I didn't want to spend that kind of money on something that would be worn for a day. Her tears never moved me. The next few years she went trick or treating as a cowgirl, a chef and Sherlock Holmes. I managed to make her use her regular clothes and accessories. Of course no one recognizes such a creative disguise when you are standing next to someone in a professional costume. The next year, my friend gave her an unused witch costume and that was the first time she went trick or treating happily! She soon outgrew Halloween or at least the dress up part.

 The first few halloweens I passed out the  most inexpensive assortment of candy. It was filled with hard candy and no chocolates. We waited for our daughter to return to raid her candy haul. I set aside pieces that we would not eat, and went directly to the trash bin. It took me a few years to realize that they were exactly the same ones that I had been giving out. So the next years I switched to the more expensive mini portions of chocolates. I felt very virtuous, giving them out. There was a year when not many kids showed up. Not wanting to waste the chocolates, I ate a lot of them and it still shows.

Last year I switched to giving out mini packs of pretzels. Thepackage had a suitably Halloween themed design so went well with the kids. I felt doubly virtuous, it was not as bad for teeth as chocolates and was a lot cheaper.

I made my weekend Costco trip but didn't find the pretzels to give out. I didn't want to spend money on candy that would spoil teeth or get trashed. I remembered a friend talking about some houses that passed out juice boxes and water the previous year.

This year, I felt super virtuous. I was going to pass out healthy water that would not damage teeth and was a lot cheaper than candy.( I ignored the environmental impact of plastic bottles though in this equation) and could be offered to kids with allergies.

During the day I texted the water plan to my daughter. Her response was "...", which I interpreted as being speechless. She warned me that the next year I wouldn't have any trick or treaters knocking at my door.

I was very excited about my plan and was looking forward to reactions. My colleagues were horrified at the idea but didn't want to call me a tightwad to my face.

I left work at the usual hour. The normal half hour commute took me two and a half hours! It was already dark when I reached home, hungry and tired. My husband told me that there had been no trick or treaters. He did not know that absence of decorations and a porch light meant that Halloween wasn't being celebrated.

I ate dinner watching more horrifying election coverage and didn't bother turning on lights. The water cases could be returned easily at Costco, but I was disappointed not to see the reaction to Halloween without candy.

At half past eight the bell finally rang. I switched on the light and saw a six year old outside in a princess costume with a sparsely filled basket. I offered her water but she turned it down. My heart did melt a little looking at her disappointed face.

I am going to try this again next year. I may take half a day off so that I make it home on time. Maybe I will pass on one Hershey's kiss to make the bottle of water more acceptable.